I remember when the stars were enough for me. A short gaze up and I could remember what it was like to have innocence, a full heart and a clear head. Plagued with wonder and amazement at all the could be's and would be's.
There was always so much freedom and promise in the stars.
Now I look up and what I see is space and time.. forgotten plans and misplaced memories. I can't help but wonder if I care way too much or not enough… I get mad at myself for not knowing the right answers, the right actions, the right words. I wonder who I am, who I've become. It feels like I'm walking in the dark, tripping over my own feet, like I'm an accident waiting to happen, crossing lines and skinning knees. I've truly lost all my certainties and become unclear on what's important to me. Have I said too much? Have I not said enough? There are fleeting moments when I've thought I had it all figured out but then I get so lost that I feel insignificant. Sometimes feeling insignificant is the worst feeling in the world. I have too many faults.. l act superior as a defense mechanism. Truth is, more times than not, I feel so inadequate, that I'd gladly take feeling insignificant in it's place. I don't know if I want to be alone or if I don't want to be alone, it seems as if I'm lonely even when surrounded. I want to do so many things, but I'm worried that I'm just too late. It's all become a mess of webs and space and time inside of here…
there are no more shining stars.
No comments:
Post a Comment