MSread

Oh MS…

I haven't forgotten about you.. The years you've stayed at bay in fact has made me appreciate living more so than ever.  I did not take anything for granted, I kept my eyes wide open, I learned to take things as they come, to keep a smile on my face and not feel sorry for myself.  I thought, at least I hoped, that I had kept you satisfied.  

Still, here you are, on my 5th year, knocking at my door again.  This time, I pray,  that it is not with a vengeance that you have returned.  

As I lay here, I feel you, creeping around behind my bones.  My nerves feel like fluttering wings, slight volts of electricity..  This morning when i woke, I felt you in my toes.. "No big deal" I thought.  Maybe I should not have shrugged you off.  Numbness in my toes is one thing, but now.. now you've taken the entirety of both my legs, my thighs, my hips, my abdomen, my chest.   I feel like my steadfast strength is on the front line and you are relentless in your quest to bring it down. However,  I am resolute, I will not waver. I will try my best to keep my head above water and to find a lesson in what you bring my way.  

You know, they say "god only gives us what he knows we can handle", and although I am not a stout religious type,  I do find strength in knowing that someone out there has faith in my strength and determination.

Yes, I'm scared.. you've shown me how much of an impact you can have on life.  In fact, I'm terrified of what you might take from me. Tonight I'm scared to close my eyes, for fear of waking to a new episode, but fear aside, I will do my best to stay calm… the love around me, will get me through…I have not forgotten you MS, but you do not HAVE me.. I have YOU and I can see this through.