Im going soft...

There are 3 things that hurt the most: Losing someone you love, forgetting someone you love, and being forgotten by someone you love. Love meaning all sorts of things, or I guess I should say all aspects. There's something about being let down, that just adds a little bit of hollowness to the center of your chest. And maybe it's just me and my tendency to put people I love on a pedestal but I hold them up there so high... They wear crowns on their heads and sit in ivory towers, they are emperors and kings and queens. I allow them to sometimes rule my life, I look to them for guidance, hugs, a funny joke, sometimes just a conversation to keep the cloudy thoughts away. because above all else.. I respect them. So being let down by one of these rulers feels a bit well, earth shattering, like a bullet to the head or the heart... i guess it just makes me sad. I wonder sometimes how people can turn their backs on ones they love (or loved) in a time of need. I can't fathom the idea of not putting aside differences when someone I know and love is falling. I would run and I would try to my hardest to catch them before they hit bottom. I would be the first at their bedside with a cup of tea.. I would make sure that they knew... that even though somethings have been bad... I am there because they have won a piece of my heart at some point and because, all else aside, I am their friend. Maybe it's my fault for having such high expectations, maybe it makes them feel as if they can never be good enough... I think that what some people never realize is that they will always be good enough to me, because no matter what they've done or will do.. I already respect them and once I've decided that its there for life. I know someone whom is on the highest tower even I can't reach them anymore. Someone who may be the only one that can calm these nerves inside of me, someone who need only show one ounce of compassion to make me smile for now and they've turned their back.. I'm finally starting to see that maybe its too much pressure. It makes me think, what have I done wrong? Where did I mess up? What have I done to make someone I care for not care whether I live or die? My hollowness become a hole and the hole becomes a constant aching pain.. I guess I just want them to know that it's okay. That as big as this hole has become, it's okay.. I can make it on my own. And when or if its time to rest.. I'll go with no harsh words inside my chest... I just hope that maybe one day.. you'll come put daisies on my head.