Good things come and go like bad things...

I wake up today to the sounds of wind chimes singing and moose dog chewing. I feel perfectly snug underneath all these white blankets that carried me off to sleep. The sun keeps coming in, making lines and shadows across my face and the walls, and the blankets.. I open up for once, with hope inside my clouded eye. I take a deep breath and ponder the question of where I went last night. When my mind shut down and all reason went out the door.. I remember for a second the shadow of me that existed in the darkness of the night.. I remember my legs dangling from the pier.. I remember feeling the cold shiver in my bones as the raindrops soaked my shirt. I remember feeling each drop on my back, in my hair.. and trying to decipher if the water across my face was a warm tear or a cold drop of rain. I wonder where I go when I've left myself.. I can feel remnants of the sadness I allowed myself to feel last night in the light of the morning.. but for now.. I'm back. Bad things go and good things come... a continuous rotation.

Here's the deal:
Yesterday I had a 3 hour appointment with yet another neurologist (I'm up to 4 now). He told me that in his medical opinion.. upon examination, he would diagnose me with Multiple Sclerosis. I was looking for his opinion as my 2nd opinion.. and as it turns out, both doctors agree. He also told me that I have a vitamin b12 deficiency on top of this.. so my body is unable to hold onto b12 in the food I eat which is an essential nutrient for the nervous system. This being said... he believes that the treatment I underwent last week.. to hopefully regain feeling in my leg was obsolete because I did not have active levels of b12 in my body to allow the treatment to work and be absorbed in my immune system.. So.. he ran some tests and thinks that I have undergone substantial nerve damage in my leg and may indeed never regain the feeling I long to have in it. Sad news... however.. I now have a new symptom.. which maybe I created by being quite unhappy the last few days...this new symtom is called optic neuritis.. I guess the nerves in my right eye have become inflamed causing this awful pain in my eyes.. as well as really blurred vision. He says to be prepared to completely lose my vision in this eye.. (which is now happening) ... and it putting me on treatment again to help me eye.

So now, in conclusion to yesterdays visit. I have to inject myself once a week with a vitamin b12 shot..I also have to have an IV injection everyday again for 5 days of solu-medrol as well as inject myself once a week with another drug called avonex. Which is for the MS. Hopefully I get good at these injections.. but.. if there's anyone of you out there who wants to volunteer to help a sister out. I would much appreciate it.

So.. onto brighter days... today I am going to smile AND go have accupuncture. Wahoooo..

Loves...