Then I Buried Myself in Romantic Sentiment and Waited for You.

I thought of you 9/10ths of today.  My mind lost in a story of better times.  Out in that lagoon- I could feel the warm sun mixed with the cold water on my skin and how it felt when you gently put your hands on my shoulders. Like a lightning bolt zapped down my spine.  I thought of how happy I felt in that moment.  You asked me about my dreams and I asked about your fears. I thought of laying intertwined with you- my head sunk in your chest- I remember breathing in-  like my gut knew to savor it.   You see- I’ve made so many mistakes out of fear- something i tend to repeatedly do, I wish that I would stop.  This was different, you were different. You feel like home to me. You feel like a warm blanket when I’m cold, when my bones are rattling you feel like a calm breeze.  I think that scared me.  I never really have known how to accept love, how to believe that someone could give me love- I always just wait for it to be taken away.  I push and I push as if to make it happen so that I can say “see I told you so, love isn’t real. “ I wish I didn’t push- I wish I’d said one million times how good it felt to be yours.  Because now that I’m not-  it feels like a storm inside of me.